cath kidson recipe organiser

This has been on my birthday wish list for yonkers! I was too thrilled to open it up on my birthday! Isn't she a beaut!! LOVE! {Cath Kidson Recipe book Organiser}

 

my testimony

I thought I would share with you my testimony. If you follow my blog you will remember {this post} where I shared about my infertility struggle. Here is the FULL story ...

I was diagnosed with PCOS when I went for my first gyne appointment when I was 19 years old.

{PCOS stands for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, to explain the condition briefly, I do not ovulate. An egg begins to grow in my ovary but does not grow to its full size and so no Oestrogen/ Progesterone is released resulting in no menstrual wall being built. The egg basically dies and shrivels up inside my ovary. If you were to look at my ovaries you would see a whole lot of little black dots, those are all the dead eggs that have accumulated over time.}

The doctor at the time said that falling pregnant one day will or may be a struggle but not to worry about it now, we can cross that bridge when we get there. I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mom; I have such a love for children. So this news did not affect me very well, for years after I always felt like a broken doll. And the worry has always been at the back of my mind. Lucky for me Grant and I started dating when I was 17 years old so he was there for me when I came home with that awful news, he did his best to understand and was there for me whenever I hit a wobbly (also knowing full well what he was getting himself into a couple years down the line.)

Fast forward 10 years. Last year June, my hubby and I decided we were ready to begin the infertility journey. It’s tough, Very tough. I don't think I could have ever got through some really tough times without the support, love and encouragement from a small handful of close friends, my family and of course my doting and adoring husband.

In the beginning of our journey, my hubby and I tried to get through it on our own; we didn't want a million questions from people we had told every time we saw them. Trust me; there are times when you REALLY don't want to talk about it.

I went through allot of infertility treatments. Lots of drugs and horrible injections- that my brave nurse mom did for me! And week after week I went for scans and my body was just not responding. So the doctor would issue more drugs and more injections and, no luck.  Every time I would walk into that doctor’s office, excited to hear the good news, truly believing that it had worked, a gorgeous ripe egg was growing and looking lovely! I would lie there, hubby’s hand in mine, staring at that screen while the doctor searched for something. I would always have high hopes, trying to believe that it had all worked but alas, it was heart break after heart break. My eggs were not growing, no wall was forming. Just horrid news every time. I started feeling incredibly helpless and hopeless.

After a few months I decided to change doctors. Thought this may help. A change of scenery, a new perspective.

The new doctor was such a sweetie! A real ‘mad professor’. Both Grant and I enjoyed him from the get go. He suggested before any treatment I go for a laparoscopy (an op where they go in and have a good squizz at my reproductive goods.) I thought this was a great idea, not thinking I could have anything else wrong.

After the op, he came with bad feedback. Not only did I have PCOS. I had mild endometriosis and my tubes, both of them, were badly blocked up! And super sluggish. He said that unfortunately IVF (in-vitro fertilisation) would be the only option for us. And at R 50 000 + a time, its ALLOT to swallow!  

As the months went by we started opening up to close friends, letting them in one by one. I needed to let those closest to me know why I was seemingly ‘not myself’ at times. I needed them to understand what we were going through. I needed the support. But more importantly, we decided to open up to God. My husband and I are Christians but a year ago I wouldn't say that we were 'active Christians'. As the months went by I started feeling incredibly anxious and hopeless as my body was not responding to any of the fertility treatments. I would find myself so angry, angry at God, angry at the world! I battled and struggled with hearing stories about young girls falling pregnant, or drug addicts/ alcoholics/ people in abusive, sad relationships falling pregnant at the drop of a hat/ women abandoning their new born babies in local park dustbins, and there we were, a couple that have been together for over ten years, with so much history, with just so much love for each other its crazy, all we want is to share this love with a child. To give each other the best possible gift we could ever want and wish for. It was a horrible head space.

It was in those very dark times that I decided to turn to God.  I honestly could not carry it all on my own any more. My hubby and I started going back to church and I decided one night to hand EVERYTHING over to Jesus. All my worries, my doubts, my all, to Christ, and to trust that He will heal me and bless us with a healthy baby. I told Him that night that I needed constant reminders that I had done the right thing, that I CAN trust Him. I wanted big, in your face signs.

I also decided that I was going to give my body six months to recover, after all those drugs, the operation, I was feeling awful, just not myself. So I started going to acupuncture twice a month, I started taking a bucket load of healthy vitamins- Folic acid, stamina gro, magnesium, zinc, vitamin C, to name a few, all good and healthy stuff! Both Grant and I were taking them. I started a good exercise regime and was feeling good. I wanted to cleanse my body and give it time to recover properly.  We also started to get more involved in church, we joined a small group, I joined the worship team at church and Grant started volunteering Art classes at a local children’s home, LIV.

We also decided at this time to sign up for adoption. Usually you lucky if you get a baby within 7 years of having your interviews, screening, etc so thought it best to sign up sooner rather than later. We had no idea how long this journey would be or how it would end, so best we cover all bases now. I contacted several social workers around the country and only ONE came back to me saying she would take our case. White babies are very few and far between so most social workers don’t even take on people looking for white baba’s. This social worker was based in Pretoria. She was very patient and friendly and gave us all the information we needed, however told us that she had ‘closed her books’ for the year already (in February of 2013, can you believe it) and would only look at our application in the new year (2014). Shew!

Since we decided to jointly hand everything over to God, it is amazing how Jesus keeps reminding me that He hasn't forgotten about me, I have had the most incredible experiences. Experiences that if I had to name each one we would be here for days. But I just really would like to share with you a few ...
I started attending an infertility meeting group toward the end of last year. It is held the last Saturday of every month and it is a group of Christian women, all suffering from different infertility issues, they are all at different stages of their journeys. Me, being a very fresh one.

One meeting, one of the girls shared one of the past girls amazing stories. This couple had been trying for over ten years with no success. One night they read a verse in the bible that told them that whatever they ask for in prayer, if they believe it, they will receive it ... I know what you thinking, all good and well, it's exactly what I was thinking ... Anyhow, they started actively praying for a healthy baby girl, whom they wanted to name Abigail. True as bob, she fell pregnant a few very short months after with a little girl.

That evening, after hearing this story, I came home to my hubby and we went for a long walk to discuss it. We decided we were going to give this 'method' a try. We were not particular to having a boy or girl. All we wished for was a healthy baby. So we thought it best to settle on a boy and a girl name and pray for both. Now names for my hubby and I have always been a soft spot, we can, and have never ever agreed on names! But this once, for some very odd reason we settled on two names very easily. Olivia for a girl, and Levi for a boy.

In the weeks that followed the name OLIVIA kept coming up. Over and over again. In the strangest ways. Now in the beginning I thought, it was all in my mind- You know when you are set on buying say a VW in a certain colour, then all of a sudden you see a million of them on the roads. Well, that's what I thought initially but then it was too obvious for me NOT to accept that this was God showing me that this little Olivia was not just a silly name that we had chosen to pray for.

It was a few days before my sisters baby shower, her and I had always spoken about being pregnant together, going out and shopping for baby goodies together, sharing our nightmare "ag these kids" vents and frustrations, sipping tea whilst our babies played together. More so, having our children be more like siblings than cousins. I had planned her entire baby shower event, and loved every minute of it but in the final days before, was feeling extremely low and sad, dreaming of my baby shower and just how desperately I wanted to be pregnant ... Feeling hopeless and anxious about how and when I will be ... And feeling almost, left behind.

On the day of her baby shower, her sister in law, as soon as she arrived, grabbed me and pulled me aside. She said to me (bear in mind she has no idea what I am going through, infertility wise), she said to me that for the last three nights she has had the most vivid dreams of me having a little girl, she says I was so incredibly happy and these dreams felt so real. Her and I have actually only seen each other one/ two times before this, I don't really have a relationship with her. She said every morning she would wake up saying to her husband, gosh I had ANOTHER dream of Samantha and this little girl, it’s just so weird. What does it mean!? Being a Christian herself, she chose not to ignore it. She presented me with a card and a gift. In the gift bag was a beautiful pink baby girls dress and the card read, I am not sure why, but I have a strong feeling that you are going to have a little girl, very soon.

I honestly didn't know what to say to her. Speechless. Dumb founded. Amazed. I was blown away. I still don't think she knows to this day how much what she did meant to me. Especially on this day.

Book club. I am part of a book club (more wine, less books), in March we met at a friend’s house and one of the girls asked how everything with me was going. I proceeded to tell them about the Olivia story, how this name keeps coming up over and over, so in my face I just cannot ignore it. I told them about my sisters sister in laws dress story and could see a few of the girls start looking at me as though I am a little mad/ reading into things too much ... Just then, one of the girls pointed to the TV screen, there in the middle of the screen the words "Something like Olivia" was in bold. At the time of me describing all of these events, a song, which all of us had never heard before, by John Mayer was playing, 'Something Like Olivia'. In fact the girl, whose song selection it was had never heard that song before and didn't know how it ended up on her play list. Well, it had us ALL in complete shock and disbelief. There she was. Again! The girls all decided that they would come up with a word, it was “TRUSTING” and they put that word, with the date, 14 March 2013 on the screen, where they had paused the song, so we can remember it.

 

I really cannot name every single event where this name has come up. But it has, call me crazy. Over and over. Its wonderful, encouraging and gave me so much hope.

But they get better!

I know I mentioned earlier that my husband and I are part of a small group. In the first meeting  we all put in our prayer requests. Mine obviously being our desperate pregnancy request. 

Those last few weeks had been really difficult for me. I know I said I have 'handed my situation' over to God but I have many times where I doubt it. I doubt that I will be able to fall pregnant naturally, by complete miracle. I doubt whether God has forgotten about me and Olivia. I doubt whether He thinks that my silly issues are big enough compared to the many other bigger issues out there. I start thinking that maybe we need to go back to the doctors and try some more fertility treatments ...  Not to mention, family and friends who ask all the time and are always surprised at my answer that we are just detoxing, giving my body a break and trusting God. I was giving my body till end June before we do anything. I just had this undying feeling to give myself time. A few people, those who are close, would ask me, "why you delaying IVF!?" "You need it right?" "Just do it. What you waiting for!?"  "Stop wasting time, you have no idea how many times you may need to go through it!?" It really got to my head. What ARE we waiting for!? I have so many infertility issues. I am really ‘living with the fairies’ thinking this will happen naturally aren’t I?

So my husband and I had started discussing IVF. We discussed how and where we could get the money from. My fears of it failing and how I just don't think I could ever get through it if it did have to. Where we could get the money to try again ... And the chances of it failing again ... As you can imagine, a lot of sleepless nights, fears, doubting and worrying.

That Sunday during the church service, whilst the pastor was speaking, something came over me telling me that we need to TRUST in God more. Hand it ALL over to him. Be more bold and direct in our prayers. After the service I told my husband that I want to stop tip- toeing around God. I want our prayers to be less "please Lord we ask for a healthy baby, we are waiting patiently, please bless us in Your name" to more "Lord, THANK YOU for our healthy baby, THANK YOU for that positive test result, THANK YOU for blessing us with this baby, THANK YOU for making us parents." Start believing more that we have ALREADY RECEIVED this blessing than praying for the blessing to come ...

That Monday morning I prayed, asking God to please show me that I am doing the right thing. Asking Him to show me, will he bless us with a baby naturally or will he spark that life in me through an IVF treatment. What must I do, please to guide me.

That Tuesday morning I prayed this same prayer with my bible on my lap. I then opened my bible to a verse that blew me away:

"Have faith in God," Jesus answered. "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him.

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

Mark 11:22-24

I was blown away by this verse. Completely. God had answered my prayer. I was set on trusting Him now, for real!

Obviously then slowly my doubt sets in again, was it just coincidence I landed on this verse ... Silly self doubt me.  The night before going to our small group meeting the next day, I read this verse to my husband. Telling him that I strongly felt that us being more bold and direct with our prayers was the answer. He loved this verse! To make matters even more confirmed ... At small group that evening, our hosts asked if God had spoken to any of us during the week. The room fell silent … I was hesitant to say, but then decided stuff it I am, and shared with them this verse. The host couple had to stop me midway, and in complete shock they said, my GOSH! We were praying for you on Monday and came across THIS EXACT verse for you. This EXACT verse. Wow, how incredible that God showed you the SAME verse!! This double, triple confirmed for me and my husband that this WAS the answer to my prayer. I need to truly believe (as hard as it is going to be at times) that God has ALREADY blessed us with our beautiful, healthy baby. Truly believe and trust in God, and thank Him for our baby. Thank him for our positive pregnancy test result. Have confidence that I have already received it, removing any doubt from my heart, believing that what we say WILL happen. In Jesus name.

Ever since that amazing night! Gosh it was really incredible, one I will never forget. My husband and I were faithful, we were obedient. Every night we prayed together thanking God for our healthy baby, and that positive pregnancy test. Our faith was stronger than ever before. Our God has been listening. He has heard our cry. He is going to bless us. Nothing or no one could convince me otherwise.

That night I came home and wrote a blog post, I have a blog called ‘everything I heart’, and it’s got nothing to do with my personal life, it’s more fun inspiration for your home, décor and yum recipes. But I had this strong feeling to just get this whole experience out on ‘paper’ and to the world! I had to tell people about our God and how awesome he is! And just how confident I was that He is going to bless us, and SOON!

Anytime I had doubt I would just repeat over and over “all I need is faith as small as a mustard seed, all I need is faith as small as a mustard seed” … And that doubt just melted away, in the name of Jesus.

One night, a few weeks later, I was lying in the bath, praying to God. Asking Him when, when are we going to receive this precious blessing. I closed my eyes and got this amazing image of a tiny little embryo; it was surrounded by a bright, beautiful light. I knew it was not my imagination. I was convinced this was it! I was pregnant!

Both Grant and I had entered into a 10 km obstacle course race, it was happening that weekend and I was so nervous to run it ‘being pregnant’, so I went out and bought an expensive pregnancy test and thought it best to test the morning of the race. Should it be positive I would DEFINITELY not run! I was convinced I was going to see that positive result.

That morning I woke up early, it felt like Christmas. I took the test and watched patiently …

“Not pregnant” it read. Angry! Broken hearted! Mad at the world, at God for giving me this image that I KNEW was from Him and then this!? Why did he do this to me! What was that feeling!? What was going on! This is not a game! I didn’t tell my husband I had taken that test or about the vision I had seen. We did the race and the whole time I was running and jumping, pushing and shoving, venting all my frustration out. Angry and cursing at God under my breath.

The next morning I sat in bed. I prayed. I apologised to God for being so mad, for swearing at Him, for being angry. I told Him I was just so broken hearted. WHY did he give me that image!? Why is he leading me on?

I came across a verse:

“She is clothed in strength and dignity

And she laughs without fear of the future.”

Proverbs 31:25

This gave me motivation to get out of bed and get on with life. Laughing and smiling without fear of the future. My future was in God’s hands and He has the plan. I NEED to keep the trust. I NEED to keep that faith!

For the whole of that following week I just could not shake this feeling that I was pregnant. I kept telling myself over and over that I had taken the test, it was negative. Why do I have this intense feeling? I tried to shake it off but I just couldn’t stop thinking about it.

I then started feeling my boobs were SO sore! Not ‘period’ sore, allot more sore! I remembered my sister saying that it was her sore boobs that were the sign that she was pregnant. I kept telling myself I am being silly! This is all in my head. Just shake it off now!

Another week passed and this feeling was STILL there. I thought no, now Samantha, you need to put this to bed. I went out and bought another pregnancy test. Thought let me do this one to prove to myself that my head is seriously playing tricks on me!

It was a Monday morning. My husband had already left for work. I took the test, placed it down and then carried on getting ready for work. A couple minutes later casually walked up to it, expecting to see the same result.

But no … This time it read “PREGNANT 2-3 weeks” WHAT!! WHAT!! WHAAAAT!!!!!!!

I fell to the floor in hysterics, laughing, crying, shaking! PRAISING GOD! That image was true! That first test was obviously too early!! All those feelings - That was God. WOW! Blown away! Speechless! I am PREGNANT!

It is a miracle! An absolute blessing! Our God is just SO MUCH greater than we could ever imagine!

He is incredible! He is healer! He is faithful!

We went for our first scan and heard that little heart beat! Beating away! Isn’t that amazing! Our baby was the size of a blueberry and has this gorgeous, fiercely beating heart! Incredible!

I am now over 10 weeks! Feeling the effect of morning sickness, actually it’s ALL DAY sickness but LOVING it! Embracing it for everything that it is!

It may seem too early to tell the world … Doctors always recommend 12 weeks is safe to tell. But this baby, this precious miracle, was given to me out of faith and in faith I believe that this baby is perfectly healthy. So I am SCREAMING THIS FROM THE ROOF TOPS! I AM PREGNANT! THANK YOU JESUS!!

Have you heard that saying "if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans"? I love that. His timing is always the perfect timing! We can never see it when we are in a daze and overcome with our own emotions but patiently wait on Him and He will ALWAYS deliver. Our God is good, He is kind, He is merciful, He is moved by compassion and He knows the deepest desires of your heart. Always remember that. He would never give you empty dreams.

I hope that this story has touched you in some way. Convinced you that our God is truly incredible! Nothing is too small for Him. YOU matter! YOU are important to Him. YOU are SO INCREDIBLY LOVED! Whatever you are struggling to deal with. Hand it over. Hand it all over to Him. And just trust. Trust Him with ALL your heart and soul. Truly BELIEVE! Have faith! I know he will come through! He always does! All you need is faith as small as a mustard seed.

“I waited patiently for the Lord

He turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire.

He set my feet on rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord”

Psalm 40 1-3

I'M PREGNANT!

YES!!

You read that right!

 

I AM PREGNANT!!!

Thank you Jesus for this precious miracle!!

You remember {this post} ... Well friends, our God came through on His promise. I found out on the 1 July. Several weeks after publishing this post. I just KNEW God would bless us. I had so much faith! I cannot put into words what an incredible, life changing experience this has been! Although terribly tough at times, looking back I wouldn't change one thing about it!

I will be sharing my full testimony this week :) Cannot WAIT for you to read it!!

urban grace compo

I am running a fab competition on my {Urban Grace} face-book page where one lucky someone stands the chance of wining this Sugar Skull vinyl print.

All you need to do is 'like' the Urban Grace face-book page {HERE}, and then 'like and share' the post {HERE}

The winner will be drawn next week Thursday- 1 August.
Competition is open to South African residents only.

tashe bag clips

How sweet are these!



From {in good company}
R35.00 for three!

heart and home finds

{heart and home} are on of my fav local online stores. Check out some of my latest favourite finds ...

CUTE little owl magnets!

 

proverbs 31:25

 

This is such a special verse to me.

It speaks to my very soul. It gives me encouragement, hope and reassurance. Reassurance that there is just no need to worry. There is no need to be anxious or stressed, my issues and problems are in His almighty hands. God is on my side. He has heard my prayer. Our God is faithful. He is Healer. He is all powerful.

This verse gives me so much excitement for the future!  

Thank you Jesus for your promise!

 

Image found {here}

amazeballs giveaway

 

{In Good Company} are giving away this gorgeous Rifle and Paper Co BIG heart art print in celebration of their new store opening in Cape Town (lucky fishes you!)

Pop over to the I Want That blog to enter!

W.A.N.T

Saw this GORGEOUS bunny chair on {pinterest} and cannot find where the heck I could get one from!? Need to find a super talented carpenter to recreate it! ;)

 

eish but im nervous

My hubby and I have entered the {Turbovite Jump City DBN} race. And it's TOMORROW!
It's a 10 km obstacle race in and around Durban city. I have never done anything of the sort before so feeling a little nervous about what to expect ... I DON'T want to be the lagging aunty in the back that everyone feels sorry for! Ha. So wish me luck! If you are also taking part, see you there :)

 

 

 

yes pleaaaase

Wow! Do these look impressive of what!?

 

Maple cupcakes with Pecan butter cream and butter milk pancakes.

Make 12
195g plain flour
140g raw caster sugar (normal white is fine too)
6g baking powder
4g bi carb
125g butter
3 egg yolks
1 tsp almond extract
90ml milk
100ml pure maple syrup

Preheat oven to 185c. Line your cupcake tin with 12 wrappers
In large bowl cream your butter and sugar for 5 minutes. It should be light yellow, fluffy and sugar grain free.
On medium speed, add your egg yolks one at a time beating well in between each addition.
Add your extract. Beat well once again.
In jug mix your maple syrup and milk. Shift your plain flour, bicarb, and baking powder in a another bowl.
Fold 1/3 of the flour mix to butter. After fold 1/3 of the milk into the batter. Repeat the folding process until all mixes are folded together.
Scoop your batter into the cupcake cases.
Bake for 20-25 minutes until a wooden tooth pick comes out clean.
Leave to cool in the tin for 5 minutes then transfer to wire rack to cool.

Pecan butter cream
150g butter, soften
500g icing sugar
2tsp pecan extract
50ml buttermilk

Cream you butter in large bowl till very fluffy and almost white. Add your extract.
On a slow speed beat one half of the sugar in to the butter. Add your butter milk. Beat again.
Add the last bit of sugar and beat until fluffy and all ingredients are combined.

Buttermilk pancakes
100g plain flour
150g self rising flour
2g bicarb soda
4g baking powder
2g salt
30g sugar
2 eggs
150ml butter milk
30ml oil

In large bowl shift you flour, salt, bicarb and baking powder.
In jug whisk the eggs, butter milk, oil and sugar.
Pour your we mix into the dry mix and fold until just combined.
Heat a fry pan on medium. Add your choice of oil or butter. Then wipe around to get rid of excess.
Using teaspoons drop batter into the pan and cook for 1-2 minutes on each side. You know when to turn when it shows bubbles on the surface. Repeat until batter is finished.

Assembly
Take one cupcake and pipe your butter cream to form a base.
Next stick together three pancakes with extra butter cream and place on to of this base.
Before serving add a piece of yellow chew sweeties to look like butter and drizzle with more maple syrup.
From {here}

postick

What an fab idea! Ever tried to select a post card on holiday that explains your fav place/ experience? Postick have developed an awesome postcard- It has an adhesive side so you can peel and stick your fav pic instantly and send! Brilliant right? 10 pack for R30, a 20 pack for R50 and a 50 pack for R110.

Postick Stockist Information:
www.postcardhappiness.com
www.hellopretty.co.za

lekue waffle mould

 

I LOVE waffles. Just seen these on {yuppie chef}

How brilliant!? They are oven proof, microwave proof and dishwasher safe.

Super easy to use and clean! W.A.N.T

durbans own etsy craft party

 

How wonderful does this sound?

Getting together, meeting and crafting with fellow Durban creatives. Organised by super talented and beautiful {nadiavdmescht} this is most defintely a NOT TO BE MISSED event.

 

Details:

Date - 20 June

Time - 6:30pm - 9:30pm

Where - Durban (venue to be confirmed)

What - An evening of crafting, making friends and having fun

Cost: R100 to cover craft supplies and refreshments

The RSVP form on { Eventbrite} doesn't allow for rand values, but you can pay at the door.

 

Please RSVP super soon!  {Just click here.}

malva's 3rd birthday

If you in Durban, I hope you support this fab event held at The Factory Cafe.

whoopity whoop

very personal but worth the share

I don't usually share much about my personal life on my blog- Purely because I just love pictures, and always tend to favour blogs with more pictures than writing so wanted to base my blog on gorgeous, fun, quirky finds and fashion, food, home and interior inspiration. No one really wants to know all your personal, inner most thoughts and feelings do they?

Today, its slightly different. This morning I had a strong feeling to share with you something extremely close to my heart. A personal story about the current battle I am fighting. 

My husband and I are struggling to get pregnant. I have been diagnosed with several infertility issues and we have been battling along this infertility journey for a year now. Its tough, Very tough. I don't think I could have ever got through some really tough times without the support, love and encouragement from a small handful of close friends, my family and of course my doting and adoring husband.

In the beginning of our journey, my hubby and I tried to get through it on our own, we didn't want a million questions from people we had told every time we saw them. Trust me, there are times when you REALLY don't want to talk about it. But as the months went by we started opening up to close friends, letting them in one by one. But more importantly we decided to open up to God. My husband and I are Christians but a year ago I wouldn't say that we were 'active Christians'. As the months went by I started feeling incredibly anxious and hopeless as my body was not responding to any of the fertility treatments. I would find myself so angry, angry at God for making this so difficult for us. A couple that have been together for over ten years, with so much history, with just so much love for each other its crazy, all we want is to share this love with a child. To give each other the best possible gift we could ever want and wish for.

It was in those very dark times that I decided to turn to God, Jesus Christ.  I honestly could not carry it all on my own any more. My hubby and I started going back to church and I decided one night to hand EVERYTHING over to Jesus. All my worries, my doubts, my all, to Christ, and to trust that He will heal me and bless us with a healthy baby. I told Him that night that I needed constant reminders that I had done the right thing, that I CAN trust Him. I wanted big, in your face signs.

Since that night, it is amazing how Jesus keeps reminding me that He hasn't forgotten about me, I have had the most incredible experiences. Experiences that if I had to name each one we would be here for days. But I just really has it on my heart to share with you a few ...

I started attending an infertility meeting group toward the end of last year. It is held the last Saturday of every month and it is a group of Christian women, all suffering from different infertility issues, they are all at different stages of their journeys. Me, being a very fresh one.
One meeting, one of the girls shared one of the past girls amazing stories. This couple had been trying for over ten years with no success. One night they read a verse in the bible that told them that whatever they ask for in prayer, if they believe it, they will receive it ... I know what you thinking, all good and well, it's exactly what I was thinking ... Anyhow, they started actively praying for a healthy baby girl, whom they wanted to name Abigail. True as bob, she fell pregnant a few very short months after with a little girl.

That evening, after hearing this story, I came home to my hubby and we went for a long walk to discuss it. We decided we were going to give this 'method' a try. We were not particular to having a boy or girl. All we wished for was a healthy baby. So we thought it best to settle on a boy and a girl name and pray for both. Now names for my hubby and I have always been a soft spot, we can, and have never ever agreed on names! But this once, for some very odd reason we settled on two names very easily. Olivia for a girl, and Levi for a boy.
In the weeks that followed the name OLIVIA kept coming up. Over and over again. In the most strangest ways. Now in the beginning I thought, it was all in my mind- You know when you are set on buying say a VW in a certain colour, then all of a sudden you see a million of them on the roads. Well, that's what I thought initially but then it was too obvious for me NOT to accept that this was God showing me that this little Olivia was not just a silly name that we had chosen to pray for.

It was a few days before my sisters baby shower, her and I had always spoken about being pregnant together, going out and shopping for baby goodies together, sharing our nightmare "ag these kids" vents and frustrations, sipping tea whilst our babies played together. More so, having our children be more like siblings than cousins. I had planned her entire baby shower event, and loved every minute of it but in the final days before, was feeling extremely low and sad, dreaming of my baby shower and just how desperately I wanted to be pregnant ... Feeling hopeless and anxious about how and when I will be ... And feeling almost, left behind.

On the day of her baby shower, her sister in law, as soon as she arrived, grabbed me and pulled me aside. She said to me (bear in mind she has no idea what I am going through, infertility wise), she said to me that for the last three nights she has had the most vivid dreams of me having a little girl, she says I was so incredibly happy and these dreams felt so real. Her and I have actually only seen each other one/ two times before this, I don't have a relationship with her at all. She said every morning she would wake up saying to her husband, gosh I had ANOTHER dream of Samantha and this little girl, its just so weird. What does it mean!? Being a Christian herself, she chose not to ignore it. She presented me with a card and a gift. In the gift bag was a beautiful pink baby girls dress and the card read, I am not sure why, but I have a strong feeling that you are going to have a little girl, very soon. 
I honestly didn't know what to say to her. Speechless. Dumb founded. Amazed. I was blown away. I still don't think she knows to this day how much what she did meant to me. Especially on this day.

Book club. I am part of a book club (more wine, less books), in March we met at a friends house and one of the girls asked how everything with me was going. I proceeded to tell them about the Olivia story, how this name keeps coming up over and over, so in my face I just cannot ignore it. I told them about my sisters sister in laws dress story and could see a few of the girls start looking at me as though I am a little mad/ reading into things too much ... Just then, one of the girls pointed to the TV screen, there in the middle of the screen the words "Something like Olivia" was in bold. At the time of me describing all of these events, a song, which all of us had never heard before, by John Mayer was playing, 'Something Like Olivia'. In fact the girl, whose song selection it was had never heard that song before and didn't know how it ended up on her play list. Well, it had us ALL in complete shock and disbelief. There she was. Again!

I really cannot name every single event where this name has come up. But it has, call me crazy. Over and over. Its wonderful, encouraging and gives me hope.

But the experience I had last night just takes the cake.

My husband and I are part of a small group. In the first meeting 2 weeks ago we all put in our prayer requests. Mine obviously being our desperate pregnancy request.  

The last two weeks have been really difficult for me. I know I said I have 'handed my situation' over to God but I have many times where I doubt it. I doubt that I will be able to fall pregnancy naturally, by complete miracle. I doubt whether God has forgotten about me and Olivia. I doubt whether He thinks that my silly issues are big enough compared to the many other bigger issues out there. I start thinking that maybe we need to go back to the doctors and try some more fertility treatments ... So these past few weeks, my husband and I had started discussing IVF - This being the only treatment that doctors had said would work for us. At R50 000+ a time its A LOT to swallow. We discussed how and where we could get the money from. My fears of it failing and how I just don't think I could ever get through it if it did have to. Where we could get the money to try again ... And the chances of it failing again ... As you can imagine, a lot of sleepless nights, fears, doubting and worrying.

In this past Sundays church service, whilst the pastor was speaking, something came over me telling me that we need to TRUST in God more. Hand it ALL over to him. Be more bold and direct in our prayers. After the service I told my husband that I want to stop tip- toeing around God. I want our prayers to be less "please Lord we ask for a healthy baby, we are waiting patiently, please bless us in Your name" to more "Lord, THANK YOU for our healthy baby, thank you for a positive test result, thank you for blessing us, Thank you for making us parents." Start believing more that we have ALREADY RECEIVED this blessing than praying for the blessing to come ... That Monday morning I prayed, asking God to please show me that I am doing the right thing. Asking Him to show me, will he bless us with a baby naturally or will he spark that life in me through an IVF treatment. What must I do, please to guide me properly now!

This past Tuesday morning I prayed this same prayer with my bible on my lap. I then opened my bible to a verse that blew me away:
"Have faith in God," Jesus answered. "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him.
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."
Mark 11:22-24

I was blown away by this verse. Completely. God had answered my prayer.
Obviously then slowly my doubt sets in again, was it just coincidence I landed on this verse ... Silly self doubt me. Last night before going to our small group meeting, I read this verse to my husband. Telling him that I strongly felt that us being more bold and direct with our prayers was the answer. He loved this verse and was finally sold on the concept.

To make matters even more confirmed ... At small group, our hosts asked if God had spoken to any of us during the week. I was hesitant to say, but then decided stuff it I am, and shared with them this verse. The host couple had to stop me mid way, and in complete shock they said, my gosh! We were praying for you on Monday and came across THIS EXACT verse for you. This EXACT verse. We were so uncertain as to whether to share it with you or not but wow, how incredible that God showed you the same verse. This double, triple confirmed for me and my husband that this WAS the answer to my prayer. I need to truly believe (as hard as it is going to be at times) that God has ALREADY blessed us with our beautiful, healthy baby. Truly believe and trust in God, and thank Him for our baby. Thank him for our positive pregnancy test result. Have confidence that I have already received it, removing any doubt from my heart, believing that what we say WILL happen. In Jesus name.

I just HAD to share this today. I am OVER THE MOON excited and so ready to share with the whole world that our God is an AMAZING God and that you mean everything and more to Him. No matter how silly and small you may feel, to God you are everything. The most important. I am so confident that He is going to bless us with an absolute miracle. Nothing or no one can tell me otherwise. Watch this space!

alice may

Adore {Alice May}'s range of dippy egg boards and stationary. What a fun gift for a kid ... And a grown up. I want the bunny one!

 

all the better to bake with

LOVE these {Mason Cash Heart Mixing Bowls} from {5 ROOMS}

They are PERFECT for baking- Hold 5 l. MUST have the cream one!

 

she inside.com

Look at my pretties just ordered from {she inside.com}

 

must. eat. these

Hello! Don't these look undeniably and decadently DELICIOUS!? Literally salivating looking at them!

I HAVE to give these a try this weekend!

OREO BROWNIES (yes please)

Yield: 16 brownies in a 8x8x3-inch (20cm) square pan
Cooking time: 30-35 minutes

Ingredients:

5 1/2 oz (165g) unsalted butter
7 oz (200g) semi-sweet chocolate, finely chopped
4 eggs
5 1/2 oz (165g) light brown sugar
3 tbsp all-purpose flour
1 tbsp cocoa powder
A pinch of salt
16 Oreo cookies, broken into pieces

1. Preheat your oven to about 350°F (180°C). Line an 8x8x3-inch (20cm) baking pan with baking paper with the paper overlapping the sides (this will make them easier to lift out of the pan after baking.
2. Melt your butter in a pan over medium heat. Remove from heat and add the chopped chocolate, stir until smooth and well combined.
3. Whisk the eggs in a large mixing bowl until they triple in volume. Add half the brown sugar around the outer edge of the eggs in the bowl (so you don’t knock the air out of the mix) and whisk until incorporated. Add the remaining sugar again around the edge, and whisk again for a few minutes until the mix is smooth and you can’t feel any sugar crystals in between your fingers. Whisk the melted chocolate into the eggs quickly to incorporate it.
4. Add the dry ingredients (flour, cocoa, salt and a third of the broken up Oreos) around the edge of the bowl and fold in until combined, taking care not to knock the air out. Pour the mix into the paper-lined baking pan. Scatter the remaining chunks of Oreo cookies over the top of the mixture, pressing some into the batter. Bake for 30-35 minutes or until the middle is only slightly gooey.
5. Set the pan on a wire rack to cool completely. When cooled, lift the baking paper and brownies out of the pan and set on a cutting board. Cut into 2×2-inch squares (in half and then half again, both ways). Makes 16 Oreo brownies.

Recipe found {HERE}

b is for

I HAVE to have these prints from {Kim Longhurst} 

eish but this is cute

 

Bunny cake plate

From {here}

happy moms day

Happy moms day to all of you special and beautiful moms. I hope you all get super spoilt rotten by your kids and hubbys. You most certainly deserve it!

room inspo

From {desire to inspire}

mothers day idea

If you in Durbs and not sure what to do for your mom on Sunday- This is a fab idea. Music, delish food and shopping amongst tall trees- Sounds divine! For more info see their facebook page {HERE}